Day Three: Ditch The Crowbar

What do you do when you have scheduled your excercise for first thing in the morning and you over sleep?

What do you do when you wake up, late, and you realize there is not another chunk in your day that you can use to exercise?

What if you admit to yourself, “Well, I could exercise when I get home at around….11pm?”

What if you do work out at 11pm?

What if you now can’t get to bed until 2am?

What if the only period of time that you have to exercise tomorrow is first thing in the morning?

What do you do when you have scheduled your exercise for first thing in the morning and you over sleep?

lambchop
“This is the shit that never endsssssssssssssssss….yes, it goes on and on my friendsssssssssssss……”
Yes. This will go on and on my friends. For the rest of my life. So I suppose the most important question is…
What do you do to make exercise, something that you have discovered is totally pertinent to your living a better life, fit smoothly into your busy schedule?
Well, I firmly believe that unless you…
A) …were raised in a household that emphasized personal fitness which made exercise a part of your every day life since as long as your tone ass could remember.
B) …have the freedom to structure your own work days. Lucky bitch.
C) …have incredible self-discipline. Lucky bitch.
D) … posses any of the above qualities or privileges….
…that you will constantly find yourself crowbarring exercise in between all of your other modern day responsibilities.
Human beings need exercise to function properly. But we are supposed to be getting our exercise from just being alive. All of the modern comforts we have created for ourselves completely take away all of the time we would normally be active. We would get much more frequent cardiovascular workouts hunting and gathering our food than hunting down a restaurant and gathering for an incredible multi-course meal. That someone else cooked.
We have put these obstacles in our own way. We want to have our cake made for us, brought to us, and then we want to eat it too.
Now, when I typed “how do I fit exerc-,” Google not only finished my sentence for me but it also gave me over 55 million different results. That’s telling.
I read the first 10 of 55,000,000 and they, of course, basically give you the same suggestions:
dog stairs
Take The Stairs! 
Great. Thanks. Have you been to New York City? The land of perpetual stair climbing?
crazy-kid
Workout With Your Kids! 
Turn the time that is supposed to be about bonding with your children into YOU time.

sdsd

Workout With Your Spouse!
Yay. More time with the person you are contractually tied to until you die. Also, if you are single and childless, apparently you have no fucking excuse.
eating while working out
Workout On Your Lunch Break! 
NO FOOD OR REST! That’s what you get for not getting your ass out of bed on time.
sweat
Go For A Brisk Walk A Few Times During Your Work Day!
Hey…uh….Jim? Why do you keep leaving and returning all sweaty and out of breath….?
workout at desk
Work Out At Your Desk!
You fucking weirdo…..
Basically, they are just giving you suggestions on how to use your crowbar. And they want you to use that crowbar to beat the hell out of yourself, your loved ones, and any semblance of free time.
But seeing as this is a blog about my quest for happiness and the idea of all of those things makes me incredibly unhappy, I need to find a compromise.
Addendum to Rule #2: Sweat
First off, no more hitting “Snooze.” The sleep isn’t even that great. I generally have a stress dream or get a tension headache from trying to keep my eyes closed. I know you like to run outside. I know it is in the middle of winter. I know it is pitch black and freezing when you wake up.  But it is always darkest before the dawn. And getting your work out before the dawn of the sun means you don’t have to give it a second thought. And you are trying to avoid second thoughts, remember?
Second, if I find myself accidentally sleeping through my designated work out time, I will forgive myself and try to make it work another way. This doesn’t mean that I am going to forego my chair at work and squat for 8 hours. This means that I will try to work out after work. Or….you know…..brisk walking during my lunch break doesn’t sound TOO bad. Sounds better than being a lethargic office worker sitting on her ever widening ass.
Third, if I don’t make it out of bed in the morning  and I honestly make an attempt to fit it into my schedule to no avail…then I will just forgive myself. That’s it. 
Tomorrow will be another day.
Another day to have the same choices.
Another day to make better, stronger decisions.
And another day to forgive yourself all over again.
All I could want is another day.
Suggested Listening
“Something Good Can Work” by Two Door Cinema Club
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Day Two: There’s A New Voice In Town

I have entirely too many second thoughts.

I have entirely too many second guesses.

I haven’t really publicly proclaimed that I am even writing this blog yet because I thought of all of the reasons it was not a good idea. None of them are particularly good reasons. They are just reasons.

INT: BRAIN

A calm, confident, and optimistic figure walks into the brain and slowly approaches REBECCA. The OLD VOICE sulks in the corner near the temporal lobe. 

REBECCA
defensively

What?

NEW VOICE

You aren’t going to tell people you’re writing something that is meant to be read because you’re afraid

they may have opinions about it?

REBECCA

I hear what you are saying.

OLD VOICE

Pssh! No one wants to read about another mid-twenties white female trying to “find herself.” Just stick with quitting the whole thing when it gets too hard Becky.

REBECCA

You know I hate that name.

NEW VOICE
frustrated

Look Old Voice! I don’t like you, you don’t like me. I don’t even think you like…anything. But for right now, we all have to live together. And if you and I are going to get along in this small brain –

REBECCA
offended

Hey!

NEW VOICE
reassuringly

We talked about this. Size doesn’t matter, remember?

NEW VOICE pauses and takes a big calming breath.

If we are going to live in this…perfectly average sized brain…together, we need to get along. And if we are going to get along, we need to be nice to one another.

OLD VOICE

No no no no. That’s your thing. The only reason I am even in this miniscual, it matters, brain is to make sure she doesn’t feel confident.

REBECCA

Why would you want to do that?

OLD VOICE

It isn’t a matter of wanting to. I just do. That’s all I know how to do.

REBECCA
realizing

Well. Then. I guess we should ask you to move out.

OLD VOICE

What?! Why?!

REBECCA

Because! I agree with New Voice. I don’t want to live in a judgmental dick brain! I want to live in a calm, comfortable, confident brain!

NEW VOICE

Nice alliteration.

REBECCA
proud

Thanks.

New Voice is all of those things. And you, you are just there to make those things impossible. So. Let’s take a vote. All those in favor of kicking Old Voice out of the brain say “eye.”

NEW VOICE
apologetically

Eye.

OLD VOICE
feigning defeat

Wow. Two against one. I guess that means I have to leave.

OLD VOICE slowly turns around and sulks towards the cerebellum.

Oh. It’s probs gonna take me awhile to find a place soooooo…. I’m gonna have to stay here for a bit. Cool? Thanks.

OLD VOICE throws up two fingers as he exits.

DUCES!

FADE OUT

Seriously Old Voice. Fade out.

Run #5 of 2013

run 5

“I can’t feel my legs anymore. But I’m still running.”

Recommended Listening

“All Dried Up” by Phatogram